trina3 (trina3) wrote in aplacetohate,

i hate myself for the way i'm liveng

i sued to live in a group home in new york and then after that i lived in a nursing home,and mow i came back to arizona to be with my friend and i am so lonely.i mentioned taking a walk to the mall the other day wich is only a couple of blocks away,becase i wanted to see some friendly people and maybe get a couple of smiles or friend is not at all affectionate with me.i never even get a hug.but at the same time my friend never wants me to leave the house to be around other people.and seeing his cat on his lap only makes me jelous now.he use to be realy affectionate with me but now it's like he's punishing me by saying without even talking to me about it that he's going to punish me by not being that way with me and at the same time i can't even go anywhere to be around other what am i supposed to do,just stay here and slowly die inside.i think i would almost prefer to be abused at least that's some kind of human contact.he's really good to me but he sure can be a brick wall sometimes i just want to get out and go be around other people or find a new place to live even hell would be good if i could get just a little bit of affection.
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